Part 3: Week 2 on Denali & Trip Reflections

Sunday 12 June – Day 8 – Rest Day

We had an enforced rest day today at Camp 3. Woke up at 9am but everyone was having a lie in so we didn’t have breakfast until 10.30am – French toast as a treat! Went for a walk with the junior guides and the other clients (apart from one client who was resting his blistered feet) to the Rangers station and then to a viewpoint about 20 minutes away known as “the edge of the world” which is supposed to be spectacular but unfortunately for us it was too cloudy to really see anything.

In the afternoon we had some salami and cheese in the mid tent and another guide, Scott, poked his head in for a chat. His group is made up of three South American friends but the lady has been sick for a few days so they have been waiting for her to get better before moving on. He has climbed Denali over 40 times and the 7 summits 7 times over! We also chatted about the Tien Shan mountains in Kygryzstan – his favourite place to climb. You really meet such interesting and experienced characters on these trips.

Played cards and had dinner then listened to the weather report from Base Camp. There are high winds Monday evening through to Tuesday so imagine we will be waiting here at least another day. All part of the mountain experience!

Monday 13 June – Day 9 – Rest Day

Another enforced rest day whilst we wait for the weather window to move up to High Camp. We have plenty of time as my flight isn’t until the 23rd June. Hopefully we should have summited and be back in Talkeetna by my birthday on the 21st at least! The weather forecast is saying the high winds will subside by tomorrow eve so hopefully we can make a bid attempt on Thursday.

Struggled to get out of my warm sleeping bag at 10am but Alan, my tent buddy, told me it was such a beautiful day I needed to get up and see the views. It really was a wonderful clear and sunny morning. Instead of having breakfast we instead scrambled back over to the “edge of the world” and were rewarded with the most amazing views over the Alaskan range and down to the Kahiltna glacier below. We could see even see Camp 1 and 2!

Back in camp we had brunch of pancakes and maple syrup (the high carb, high sugar diet of Americans works well out in the mountains!). Later we cut ice blocks to build a wall around our tents to fortify the camp from the anticipated severe winds. We first found some compacted hard snow, cut blocks with a saw, then lift them up and stack them on top of each other. Tony did a good job project managing and ensuring the walls were stable. Finished around 30 minutes later (hard work at altitude!) and were rewarded with popcorn and hot drinks from the mid tent. Pizza dinner in the evening. The head guide says there is a small chance we will go up tomorrow but unlikely given the forecast.

Tuesday 14 June – Day 10 – Camp 3 to High Camp

We woke around 9am to hear that we were heading up to High Camp! It was a beautiful clear, blue-sky day and the guides wanted to make the most of it and get us up to High Camp before it changed. I left as much as I could at Camp 3 and just took the essentials (warm weather gear and equipment) up to the next camp. Luckily there were some tents up there from another group who were now heading down the mountain, so we left ours down here.

Three of the clients went ahead with one of the junior guides at midday, whilst I followed with one other and the other junior guide at 12.30 and the head guide with the client who most struggled just behind us. Going up the first hill (a 50 degree headwall) the sun burned strongly down on us and I was soon sweltering. I didn’t have any t-shirts with me so had walked in just my sports bra covered with a thin nylon jacket to protect me from any wind. After an hour we had a break and I was forced to take the jacket off to cool down and walk in my sports bra (combined with Gore-tex trousers and big boots!) up the rest of the hill. It was pretty embarrassing with men coming up and down the slope making comments not to mention that my armpits had spent two weeks on the mountain without washing or shaving, and my red and flustered appearance! We got to the base of the fixed lines another hour later and wasn’t amused when the junior guide immediately turned to me and said “No wonder you’re hot, I told you to start cool – you never f**king listen!” I couldn’t believe it. I was so angry at his unfair comment and frustrated I felt hot tears pricking my eyes and had to turn away. Sometimes I think they see this as a military boot camp where it’s mandatory to shout and curse rather than treat clients with any respect, although he did apologise later.

We set off up the fixed lines and it was SO much quicker than the last time without waiting for the slow groups in front of us. We must have reached the top within 45 minutes compared to 2 hours previously! We picked up our stuff from the cache a couple of days previously and had a break. The head guide had caught us up and was shouting at his client for dropping his water bottle twice. The terrain got more interesting as we descended and I really enjoyed the climb, with steep sections where I could really test my crampon skills and use my axe, not to mention the absolutely stunning views. Weaving in and out of the rocks and along knife-edged ridges, it’s probably one of my favourite alpine days ever. The pace was a little slow but I didn’t mind too much given I could just relax and enjoy the view. Everyone was in a good mood so we chatted, took photos, and the guides took some videos.

The last section was fairly flat leading into High Camp and by this time I was itching to “get off the leash” to settle into camp and chat to the rest of the team. We finally arrived at 17,000 feet (approx 5200m) around 8pm. The camp is in a beautiful setting with amazing views down to the glacier and I am sharing a 4-man tent with two others. Both the guides with me today took the time to comment to me how strong and capable I’d been during the day, which gave me even more confidence for the summit day ahead. We don’t have a kitchen tent at this camp but the guides boiled some water and we ate noodles out of bowls in our tents. It wasn’t the best but filled my belly! The wind started to really pick up around 9.30pm and rattled the tent all night - it was 30-40mph with gusts of 50mph+. A real Denali experience! We barely slept and thought the tent would take off at some point as we were shaken all night in the howling winds. Finally in the early morning it died down and I managed to grab a couple of hours’ uninterrupted sleep.

Wednesday 15 June – Day 11 – High Camp

Awoke around 9am and one of the junior guides stopped by our tent with some hot water and oat sachets for breakfast. The wind was still blowing hard but less so than in the night. The head guide then came by to check we were ok and discuss the plan for summit day tomorrow. So excited! He imagines it will be about 12 hours in total, 8 up and 4 down and we should all have a good shot at the summit. I really hope I make it although getting to this point has been an amazing experience in itself and I feel privileged to even be on the mountain.

Had a walk around camp and chatted to some Argentinians who are also going up tomorrow. Instant noodles for lunch and made sure I drank plenty of water. Quite a few people seemed to be moving up to High Camp today to take advantage of the good weather, I expect it will be busy going up tomorrow. Had some Mountain House spaghetti bolognaise (yum) and got an early night in anticipation of a long day tomorrow.

Thursday 16 June – Day 12 – High Camp to Denali Pass

At 8.30am we set off for the summit, excited about the day ahead - the culmination of months of training and weeks on the mountain. From High Camp an exposed ice slope (the 'autobahn') stretched before us leading up out of the camp and up to Denali Pass. It was hard going and steep but I enjoyed the challenge (French side stepping as I went) and kept up with the team ahead. However as we neared the top of the section I felt light headed and a bit nauseous after 1.5 hours of sustained hard work at high altitude so slowed down on the traverse. At the top we all had a break and after some water and a snickers I was feeling better and ready to carry on again. I did notice my junior guide whispering to the head guide that I had pulled on the rope, who asked if I was ok and I said I would be fine. There had been much worse points for me on previous mountain days and I'd always recovered after a break and finished strongly - I knew what my reserves were! The head guide said he would reassess the team anyway after Zebra Rocks (45 minutes walk away) and I thought little more of it.

Just a few minutes later (at around 18,200ft, just past the Denali Pass) I still had my down jacket on and given the surprisingly warm weather and long day ahead shouted to my guide to pause so I could take it off and not overheat. He pulled me aside and called out to the other guides, then told me I was going down! I looked at him gob smacked then argued I was fine, begging him to give me a chance and reconsider, but he kept repeating "decision made" and told the other junior guide to take me down, swapping my rope out. Now I have willingly turned round on mountains before (see my Matterhorn blog) and have absolutely no problem in doing so for my own safety and/or that of the team. I wish I could agree I was too ill or exhausted to go on, but that would be untrue. In cases like this both a discussion with the client and their experience should have been taken into account. He didn't even directly ask me how I was feeling that morning - instead I felt I was treated like a little girl whose opinion didn't matter. Also he had not been with me on the previous long day to High Camp and further during the trip I don't recall him or the other guides ever asking directly about other peaks / endurance events I had done in order to gauge my resilience or capabilities.

The rationale he gave was that because I had been going too slow on one section I would be unlikely to reach the summit - yet we were in line with the rest of the team, the day had just begun, and why wasn't I allowed to see how far I could get or proven my recovery post the break? Why hadn't I been allowed at least to get past Zebra Rocks as the head guide had suggested? My biggest regret is that I wasn't given a chance to really push myself on the mountain both physically and mentally like I have on other occasions. I still don't know if I would have eventually summited or not if left to my own devices. I suppose I could go crazy thinking about it and nothing can be done now.

The other junior guide showed concern about the decision and repeatedly tried to contact the head guide but the radio wasn't working so I couldn't get it overruled or get his advice. Eventually we had to give up. I was in shock - angry and frustrated at what had just happened and confused by the knee-jerk decision without discussion. With tears streaming down my face and a heavy heart we started back down. We descended quickly - my legs felt strong and I was feeling fine though sometimes I'd stop and shake my head and gasp at what was happening, it just didn't seem real. When we reached the camp I sat shell-shocked alone in my tent and then cried bitterly for hours. Eventually a guide from another team poked his head in and asked if I was ok and provided me with some water.

Later in the afternoon I continued to wait for the others to arrive back in camp. Scott and his team arrived back in good time as had a few other guides and their clients. The radios crackled into life as we heard that our team was struggling to get one of the clients down who had developed severe exhaustion and signs of high altitude pulmonary edema (HAPE). Soon the Park Rangers were involved and medical advice was being issued. I looked up tentatively at the autobahn and I willed them to appear over the lip. Eventually we saw the first group making it down the slope. They arrived in camp around 10pm tired but happy from the summit and I ran towards them for celebratory hugs!

The Rangers set up a tent with an oxygen bag and the two junior guides set up off the slope to help rescue the rest of the team. I waited another hour but felt emotionally drained so turned in to my tent for the night. I finally heard the rest of the team arrive about 11.30pm. One client was put in the oxygen bag and I handed over his sleeping bag and personal items from our tent. The Rangers and the head guide continued to monitor his progress during the night then eventually at 4am he was evacuated by helicopter to a hospital in Wasilla.

What really baffles me is how someone who had so clearly struggled over the past weeks and had issues early on on summit day was taken up to the top yet I was turned around for a minimal reason and in doing so the team also lost one vital guide. Was it just a lack of process, poor communication, or varied experience between guides? Part of me also wonders if being a girl made that decision of whether I could go for the summit or whether I needed to be "protected" and sent down early a differential in the guides' mind to the rest of the group.

In terms of the other client, wasn't it clear that by pushing him on it was not only endangering himself but also putting others in danger? One of the team who descended on the same rope later said he felt it wasn't a case of IF they would fall but WHEN - dangerous when self-arresting hadn't even been covered on the trip. Thank god it all turned out ok in the end and five clients summited, but at what potential cost?

Friday 17 / Saturday 18 June – Day 13 / 14 – High Camp to Base Camp

The next morning we awoke around 9am, had some cereal in the tent and digested the previous days drama. It still all felt so wrong and bitterly unfair in my mind but there was nothing I could do about it anymore and now just needed to focus on the descent. At 11am we set cached some items for the next group and then set off. I enjoyed walking as the wind picked up and we carefully made our way along the ridgeline and down the mountain. It took around 2.5 hours to get to Camp 3, where we had a rest for a couple of hours and picked up our cache. We then set off with sleds to Camp 2, which took another couple of hours as the winds and visibility gradually worsened. The sled was really annoying me on the descent as I was tied to the person’s in front (which must have been around 25kg) and it kept threatening to pull me down the slope and put me off balance!

At Camp 2 the guides suggested we have a break and then aim to make it down to the Base Camp during the night to get a plane out before the storm came in. So we set up the kitchen tent and had some cheese and tuna toasties and tried to keep warm, although it was now past midnight. As we set off I was this time put at the back of the rope with my sled behind me and on the loose! Every time we went on a slope not only did I have to deal with the person’s in front dragging me forward but my own swerving around me, trying to hit my ankles or trip me up! It was a nightmare. Three times I was tripped up by the rope of the sled winding around me and with my heavy bag of 20kg or so on my back I would lie in the snow like a turtle unable to get up until I finally took my pack off or someone pulled me to my feet.

We walked all through the night with bad visibility and snow the whole way down. The last slog up Heartbreak Hill was the worst part by far – we were all exhausted and it seemed to be never-ending (although in fact a couple of hours uphill). My junior guide shouted in front of everyone that I was being too slow and I pointed out the rope between us was in fact SLACK so his comment made no sense. By this point I couldn’t wait to get off the rope and off the mountain – I’d enough of the military bootcamp style insults! On other mountains the guides had actually been encouraging rather than demoralising the whole way. Arrived at Base Camp at 8am – a difficult 7.5 hours of walking through the night but at least we could now put up the tents and get some rest whilst we waited for the plane to arrive. However we had barely erected them and crawled inside when we were warned the plane was coming! We moved our bags to the landing site, then piled them on the aircraft. I got the co-pilot seat and took in the stunning views as we flew back to Talkeetna.

Being back in Talkeetna felt very surreal. It was warm and sunny and green (!) and I felt out of place in my big down jacket and mountain boots. We went for lunch in town then drove to Wasilla to pick up the client from hospital (thankfully he’d made a full recovery) and then onto Anchorage. It was amazing to finally reach the hotel around 4pm and have a hot shower and sort out my kit after over two weeks on the mountain. In the evening we went for dinner at a seafood restaurant then a few of us ended up having cocktails and singing karaoke until 2am! I’m not sure where we had the energy from but it was a really fun night and great to relax and let off some steam. Even if the trip didn’t quite go as I planned, I’ve definitely met some great people among the other clients.

Reflections

So why did I choose to climb this mountain and what did I learn? Denali interested me initially because it's widely known as one of the "toughest" mountains - an expedition style trip without porters or Sherpas combined with long load carrying days and notoriously bad weather. On reflection, the fact it's one of the seven summits and the height was of less significance given I have previously hit the 6,000m mark and so actually doing a big alpine summit day at altitude wasn't necessarily something I needed to prove to myself. Of course it would have been a good achievement but being outside of my control it's not something I can regret. Instead I'm pleased I kept up with a strong male team in carrying the heavy packs and sleds, felt confident in my alpine skills, and coped well with the cold conditions. I've also met some amazing people who I hope to see again in the mountains one day. To have had the privilege to climb with them and be considered an equal made the trip all the more worthwhile.

Sometimes a lesson isn't always the obvious one. Maybe my test was not to climb the summit route but to recognise the bigger picture and to accept what is outside of my control. If I had stood on that summit it would be another box ticked, THE photo uploaded on social media, and the "when I climbed Denali" moment I'd recount to friends. Instead I think of the paths I took up to that point, the camps we set up, the loads I carried, the beautiful views along the ridges, and the friends I've made. We don't have to stand on the top to learn from the mountains. I'm blessed by what I've seen and so proud of what I've achieved with each and every single step along the way.

It was also a lesson in forgiveness. There are always going to be people and obstacles that stand in the way of your dreams. Also, people make decisions they think are in our best interest to protect us but which we may not agree with. I still think the decision and handling of the situation was wrong, but it was not done in malice and presumably he took a very conservative stance and thought it the right thing at the time.

On a negative note I learned that personally I'm not a fan of these big commercial expeditions - firstly the mixed abilities both of clients and guides are pot luck and can vastly effect the outcome of a climb, and secondly something of the purity of the mountain is spoiled by queues on fixed lines not to mention the circus of tents and groups of egos high-fiving at each campsite! I think I'll stick to the quieter, more unique mountains in future, ideally with competent friends and a guide that I know can encourage me and understand my capabilities.

Denali met expectations by both challenging and rewarding me and with that I feel immense gratitude. I may not have stood on the summit but I've certainly grown emotionally and technically as a mountaineer over these weeks. As Sir Edmund Hilary once said "it is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves".